A lesson in Life Engineering

Joseph and Mary love playing with Lego blocks. They can entertain themselves for hours building Lego structures such as forts, bridges, houses, planes, trains, and automobiles. And so it was on this night, after dinner, that Mary took to her Lego blocks and started building. One by one, she fit the pieces together while happily singing a song. Much to her dismay, however, her Lego construction proved to be architecturally unstable. Try as she might, her work of art simply collapsed onto the table, creating an unpleasant sound. Alas, she breathed a sigh of disappointment and cried, "It's no use." Just then, pearls of wisdom came in the form of her big brother. In a reassuring tone, Joseph said, "Don't worry, Mary. You just have to rebuild and rebuild until it doesn't fall anymore." He stopped what he was doing to help her, and together they built this masterpiece. Using their fingers to represent people and cars, they quilted a story about those who dare traverse this extraordinary bridge.

"Rebuild and rebuild until it doesn't fall anymore."

"What masterful words," I thought to myself. Especially in light of today's economic and political climate, combined with natural disasters and moral dilemmas facing this generation, I heed the words spoken by my son, Joseph. And someday, when he's all grown up and is faced with life's many challenges, I pray God will grant him the strength, the courage, and the resolve to rebuild and rebuild until it doesn't fall anymore.

What's your parenting style?

My friend, Shirin, recently posted a blog about the notion of parental control over the externals in our children’s lives. Shirin’s blog also referenced another blog whose author wrote about her ruminations on that very topic, and she concluded that “We can't control our children's hearts by controlling anything. We can talk about what's right and wrong and we can pray for them to understand. Then we have to live a life that demonstrates that we believe what we're saying. (We are) not responsible for who they choose to become. (We can) help them grow up with the knowledge that they have the ability to choose well.” This, of course, led me to ponder my views on parenting and evaluate my parenting style. To what extent do I try to control externals as an attempt to shape my children’s lives? Am I doing enough to help them grow in faith, character, and inner strength? After some instrospection, I submitted the following comments on Shirin’s blog: As parents, we have an enormous responsibility of caring for our children and ensuring that they are raised with certain values, and that they grow to love God. Our children have been entrusted to us, and we have a God-given right and obligation to act in their best interest…Occasionally, we are bound by our love and parental duty to take certain actions in order to discipline our children and to keep them on the straight and narrow. Ultimately, we are compelled to exert some form of control over their attitudes and decision-making. We have been granted incredible power to influence the minds and hearts of our children, but we must wield that power with great caution, maturity, compassion, responsibility, and most importantly, on the basis of unconditional love and centeredness in Christ.

I further commented that God is definitely always in control…He uses us as instruments of his love, peace, and mercy. With regards to parenting, it is through His divine grace and mercy that we have the wisdom and the wherewithal to teach our children valuable lessons that He would want them to learn; even if it means “controlling” (and I use this term very loosely) certain aspects of their lives. And because our children lack the life experience to possess such wisdom, we are called upon to be their beacon. But anyone who has children knows that we learn as much from them as they do from us. That’s because God uses them as instruments too!

Parenthood, I opine, is one of the most challenging jobs to have. More than just a job, it is a noble calling of service and selflessness. Parenthood is an infinite series of teachable moments and character-building opportunities for both parents and children. Due to our foibles, we continue to make mistakes. And at the end of the day, we wonder if our actions were too much, too soon, too little, too late. But beyond the quagmire of self-doubt, there are myriad moments of jubilation and affirmation of our parenting successes. And when faced with a difficult situation, I ask myself, “What would my parents have done?” Afterall, they’ve set the bar for me on parenting. The challenges I face today dwarf in comparison to the obstacles they have had to surmount as parents to 7 children and grandparents to 10! Might I add, too, that they’ll be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary next year. Now that’s fortitude!

Poke'...what???

Pokemon, that’s what! (Pronounced with a long vowel e). These somewhat-adorable, sometimes-menacing, creatures have descended upon our home and taken up residence in the imagination of an 8-year old boy; while I find myself immersed in Pokemon 101.

This is what I've learned so far: They come with strange and curious names like Charizard, Beedrill, Meowth, Butterfree, to name just a few. Each Pokemon comes with its own special abilities to battle other Pokemon using strategic moves such as bone-rush, megadrain, jigadrain, flame-thrower, and leechlife, to name just a few. There are different types of Pokemon: fire, grass, water, earth, rock, electric, normal, and so on. Each type possesses attributes that are unique to that particular type. Most, but not all, Pokemon can evolve into other, more powerful, Pokemon. For instance, Treecko evolves into Grovyle, who then evolves into Sceptile. Torchic evolves into Combusken, who then evolves into Blaziken. As powerful as they may be, Pokemon are not without their weakness. For example, a grass-type Pokemon’s weakness is a fire-type Pokemon. A fire-type Pokemon’s weakness is a water-type Pokemon. Do you see the logic here?

Some might argue that the game of Pokemon promotes fighting and destruction; but as I see it, Pokemon is really no worse than some of the classic fairy tales that children worldwide have heard for generations. How many of us have regaled our children with tales of a fire-breathing dragon and a sword-wielding prince determined to rescue his sleeping beauty. Or the infamous big, bad wolf with a penchant for adorable pigs and a little girl wearing a red riding hood. Then there’s the evil stepmother-turned-witch offering poison apples to an unsuspecting maiden. And last, but not least, a downtrodden boy named Jack who reaps enormous rewards by stealing treasured possessions of another -- a bag of gold coins, a hen that lays golden eggs, and a magical singing harp. What values do these fairy tales espouse?

Ultimately, this is less about Pokemon than it is about giving importance to something that is important to your child; even if it doesn’t loom large in our adult world. It’s about giving him the time of day to listen to his hopes and fears; or, his latest Pokemon adventure. Yes, I think Pokemon can stick around a little longer, but that’s entirely up to an 8-year old boy.

All in a Day's Work!

Our morning routine usually consists of seeing big sister and big brother off to school, reading to Mary, grocery shopping, and going to the park or a scooter ride around the neighborhood. Inevitably, I fall behind on certain chores and projects at home. “It’s more important to spend quality time with Mary and indulge her in the things she likes to do,” I remind myself. “The dust bunnies and dirty dishes can wait,” I further declare. I can take on some of the chores during Mary's naptime and throughout the day, but my attempts to wrestle with the rest, after the children are in bed, can sometimes feel like an exercise in futility. By that time, I’m usually running on fumes, making it difficult to muster the energy to tackle bigger chores. On a few occasions, I’ve nodded off while trying to balance the checkbook or review the children’s homework assignments late at night.

But today was different. This morning after breakfast, I reminded Mary that we would be going out soon. To my surprise, she responded by saying, “I don’t want to go out today.” I turned to her and said, “Oh? Would you rather stay home this morning and do some things around the house?” “Yeah,” she said softly, her mind clearly more focused on her coloring book. That was all I needed to hear. I immediately set about doing housework. I made the beds, tackled the breakfast mess, cleaned the kitchen, mopped the floor, did 3 loads of laundry, unloaded the dishwasher then loaded it up again. All by 11:00 a.m. So pleased was I with my efficiency that I even used part of the morning to write this blog! In all fairness to Mary, however, she did help by sorting the laundry. She’s now educated on the intricacies of laundry-sorting: whites, light colors, bright colors, dark colors. She mopped her sister's bedroom floor. Then she loaded a pile of laundry into the washing machine, which meant I had to hoist her up so she could reach the opening. When all was said and done.…I probably would’ve been done by 10:30!! (wink! wink!)

Oh yes, Mary also played with bubbles and practiced her golf swing with her brother’s golf set. No, we’re definitely not at risk of ennui setting in. There’s plenty to do and the work we did this morning was just the tip of the iceberg!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Children are an embodiment of joy and innocence. Their joviality reminds us of everything that is good and peaceful in the world. They are our greatest hope for the future.

Through the years, our children have supplied us with a healthy dose of humor and laughter. Here are a few of those precious moments:

Danielle, at age 3, upon receiving a special toy: (Wide-eyed surprise) "I've wanted this my whole life."

Danielle, at age 4: "Arthur got the chicken pox...(pause)...That's from chickens!"

Joseph, inspecting a tube of SPF30 sunscreen: "Mommy, if I put this on twice, will I get SPF 60?"

Mary loves to help in the kitchen. She especially enjoys combining and mixing the ingredients for baked goods. The two of us were making lemon blueberry muffins this morning when I took out a bright orange box (labeled Arm & Hammer). Instantly recognizing the box, Mary exclaimed: "Oh, I know that. Babies can have that soda. It's baby soda."

Before driving off this morning, I put on my ear piece because I was expecting an important phone call on my cell phone from school. At this point, Mary asked: "Mommy, why are you putting on your loosetooth?" (I was in stitches trying to tell her that this device is called a "Bluetooth").

As they say, "Laughter is the best medicine." Hope your day is filled with joy and laughter.