What's your parenting style?

My friend, Shirin, recently posted a blog about the notion of parental control over the externals in our children’s lives. Shirin’s blog also referenced another blog whose author wrote about her ruminations on that very topic, and she concluded that “We can't control our children's hearts by controlling anything. We can talk about what's right and wrong and we can pray for them to understand. Then we have to live a life that demonstrates that we believe what we're saying. (We are) not responsible for who they choose to become. (We can) help them grow up with the knowledge that they have the ability to choose well.” This, of course, led me to ponder my views on parenting and evaluate my parenting style. To what extent do I try to control externals as an attempt to shape my children’s lives? Am I doing enough to help them grow in faith, character, and inner strength? After some instrospection, I submitted the following comments on Shirin’s blog: As parents, we have an enormous responsibility of caring for our children and ensuring that they are raised with certain values, and that they grow to love God. Our children have been entrusted to us, and we have a God-given right and obligation to act in their best interest…Occasionally, we are bound by our love and parental duty to take certain actions in order to discipline our children and to keep them on the straight and narrow. Ultimately, we are compelled to exert some form of control over their attitudes and decision-making. We have been granted incredible power to influence the minds and hearts of our children, but we must wield that power with great caution, maturity, compassion, responsibility, and most importantly, on the basis of unconditional love and centeredness in Christ.

I further commented that God is definitely always in control…He uses us as instruments of his love, peace, and mercy. With regards to parenting, it is through His divine grace and mercy that we have the wisdom and the wherewithal to teach our children valuable lessons that He would want them to learn; even if it means “controlling” (and I use this term very loosely) certain aspects of their lives. And because our children lack the life experience to possess such wisdom, we are called upon to be their beacon. But anyone who has children knows that we learn as much from them as they do from us. That’s because God uses them as instruments too!

Parenthood, I opine, is one of the most challenging jobs to have. More than just a job, it is a noble calling of service and selflessness. Parenthood is an infinite series of teachable moments and character-building opportunities for both parents and children. Due to our foibles, we continue to make mistakes. And at the end of the day, we wonder if our actions were too much, too soon, too little, too late. But beyond the quagmire of self-doubt, there are myriad moments of jubilation and affirmation of our parenting successes. And when faced with a difficult situation, I ask myself, “What would my parents have done?” Afterall, they’ve set the bar for me on parenting. The challenges I face today dwarf in comparison to the obstacles they have had to surmount as parents to 7 children and grandparents to 10! Might I add, too, that they’ll be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary next year. Now that’s fortitude!